Here are some tips to prevent your child from feeling stressed.
1. Help her figure out how she’s feeling.
Try to keep your questions low-key. Drawing together is a good way to get conversation flowing. Mention you’ve noticed something has been bothering her. Help her put a name on what it might be. “Are you feeling scared?” Simply talking about feelings can be a relief.
2. Take homework apart.
A whole page of word problems can seem overwhelming. Break the problems down into chunks—groups of three, for example. That can make the task more manageable. Promise fun breaks in between—she can FaceTime with a friend or run around the garden in between. Praise her for each set she completes.
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3. Help her prepare for new things.
If your child is going to start a new activity, such as karate, visit ahead of time. Let her meet the lady at the front desk, check out the bathroom, and see the dojo. Ask the teacher to describe what she’ll do the first day of class. If the new activity seems familiar, your child won’t feel nearly as much anxiety about participating.
4. Celebrate even the smallest victories.
Most children feel some stress when facing a new challenge. But they eventually dive in because past success gives them confidence. Watch for opportunities to praise accomplishments. It could be as simple as finishing three word problems without getting up. Knowing what success feels like may help her feel less overwhelmed and panicked when facing bigger challenges.
5. Help her create a “can do” mantra.
Suggest phrases she can repeat when facing stressful situations. “I am not afraid to try” or “I can do this” are two good examples. These thoughts will crowd out negative talk (“I’m too stupid to do this!”) and repeating the words over and over can be soothing.
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6. Make sure you have rituals and order at home.
Coming home to an organised place and rituals that stay the same can give your child security after a busy day at school. When possible, stick to a routine. Maybe it’s an afternoon snack, a walk with the dog, and then homework. On days with afterschool activities, try to have a regular routine too. Create some structure for weekends as well. Too much time without a schedule can make children antsy.
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7. Blow off steam!
Stress can build up like steam in a locomotive. Give your child plenty of opportunities to release some of the pressure. Make exercise a part of everyday life for her and the whole family. Show her how to jump rope, sing out loud or dance to her favourite song between homework assignments.
8. Find balance with afterschool activities.
For the child who struggles in school, being good at something like karate can be a big boost. Afterschool activities also give structure to the afternoons and stress-busting release. But don’t go overboard or you’ll make your child’s stress worse. Ease into activities carefully, and do your best to leave some days open.
9. Be clear and reasonable about what you expect.
You may simply want her to do the best she can on spelling tests. But she may think she has to get “100%.” Tell her what you actually expect—that will lessen her stress. Or, for example, you might want her to clean her room on her own. But is that big task realistic? She might need you to break it into steps or keep her company.
10. Consider outside help.
Find a class or online activities, videos where your child can learn yoga, meditation or deep breathing.